Snow White Ryo And The Seven Bikkys
by KissFromABlackRose
Summary: "Oh, how I wish that I had a son with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and eyes as black as ebony." - Yep, you guessed it right: A re-telling of the classic Snow White fairytale in FAKE style! I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it - which is a lot of fun! xD Please R&R, thank you! :)


Snow White Ryo And The Seven Bikkys

_Characters/Pairings: _Dee/Ryo, Drake/JJ, Bikky/Carol, Rose, Mister Henry, Elena, Ryo's parents, JJ's parents, some random forest animals

_Warnings:_ Silliness, Character Death

_Timeline: _AU (Alternate Universe)

_Spoilers:_ For the whole series

Once upon a time, long, long ago a king and queen ruled over a distant land. And in their court there lived a maid and a servant who loved each other very much. The maid was kind and lovely and everyone adored her. The only sadness in her life was that she wished for a child but did not have one.

One winter day, the maid was doing needle work for the queen while gazing out the royal ebony window at the new fallen snow. A bird flew by the window startling the maid and she pricked her finger. A single drop of blood fell on the snow outside her window. As she looked at the blood on the snow she said to herself: "Oh, how I wish that I had a son with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and eyes as black as ebony."

Soon after that, the kind maid got her wish when she gave birth to a baby boy who had skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and eyes as black as ebony. They named the boy Ryo, and his nickname was Snow White. The same day, the queen gave birth to a little prince, who she named JJ.

Ryo and JJ both grew up to be two handsome and kind-spirited young men. Tragedy struck when Ryo's parents died in a fire, but he was taken in by his aunt Elena, a kind and beautiful milkmaid, who lived at the court as well.

Soon after, prince JJ fell in love with Dee, a prince from another kingdom who visited the court quite frequently, being forced by his parents to do so in order to find someone to marry. Prince JJ greatly longed to win Dee's heart, but did not see his affections returned. So he studied magic and got himself a magic mirror, of which he would daily ask:

''Mirror, mirror on the wall, who will fair prince Dee fall for?"

Each time this question was asked, the mirror would give the same answer:

"Thou, o prince, art the one he will fall for."

Fairly speaking, the mirror had no clue if this was the truth or not because it did not have the power of foreseeing the future, and prince Dee had not fallen for anyone yet. But prince JJ would annoy the mirror as long as it took until he finally got the answer he desired. This answer naturally pleased the prince greatly as he knew that his magical mirror could speak nothing but the truth.

Soon after, prince Dee caught sight of Ryo for the first time and was instantly infatuated with him. He went to visit JJ's court more frequently now which JJ was very pleased about, not knowing that prince Dee would always secretly seek out Ryo at the end of his visit.

One morning when prince JJ asked, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who will fair prince Dee fall for?", he was shocked when it answered:

''Thou, o prince, art lovely; it is true.  
But he loves Snow White, not you."

Prince JJ flew into a jealous rage and ordered his huntsman Rose to take Ryo far, far away so prince Dee would never see him again. The poor huntsman took Ryo into the forest, but found himself unable to send him further away, for he had a major crush on the young man and did not want to say farewell. Instead, he told him that prince JJ wanted to ban him from the land, and proposed for Ryo to stay with him instead. He would hide him at his house and keep him safe from the prince's raging anger.

Ryo was shocked by these news, and even more startled when the huntsman suddenly bestowed a kiss upon him. Instinctively, he punched Rose in the face who fell to the ground. „Oops", Ryo said, looking down in concern at the unconscious huntsman. „I'm really sorry", he apologized before fleeing into the woods.

He was now all alone in the great forest, and he did not know what to do. The trees seemed to whisper to each other, and although Ryo did not believe in magic, they made him feel uncomfortable, so he began to run. He ran over sharp stones and through thorns. He ran as far as his feet could carry him, and just as evening was about to fall he saw a little house and went inside in order to rest.

Inside the house everything was small and untidy. There was a little table with a white tablecloth and seven little plates. Against the wall there were seven little beds, all in an uneven row and covered with quilts that were disorderly thrown upon them.

Because he was so hungry he ate a few sausages and a little bread from each little plate and from each cup he drank a bit of apple juice. He even tidied up the kitchen a little and made the beds, making everything more orderly than before he had entered the hut. Afterward, because he was so tired, he lay down on one of the little beds and fell fast asleep.

After dark, the owners of the house returned home. They were the seven Bikkys who had spent the day going to dwarf school and hanging out with the seven Carols. As soon as they arrived home, they saw that someone had been there – for not everything was in the same place as they had left it.

The first one said, "Okay, who the hell has been sitting in my frigging chair?"The second one, "And who the hell has been eating from my frigging plate?"The third one, "And who the hell has been eating my frigging bread?"The fourth one, "And who the hell has been eating my frigging sausages?"The fifth one, "And who the hell has been eating with my frigging fork?"The sixth one, "And who the hell has been drinking from my frigging cup?"

But the seventh one, looking at his bed, found Ryo lying there asleep. The seven Bikkys all came running up, and they cried out with surprise. They fetched their seven candles and shone the light on their unexpected visitor.

"What the fuck?" they cried. "What is this guy doing here?"

They didn't wake him up though, but let him continue to sleep in the bed. The next morning Ryo woke up, and when he saw the seven Bikkys he began to apologize for eating their food and drinking their drink and sleeping in their bed. But they were friendly and asked, "What's your name?"

"My name is Ryo," he answered, ''But you can call me Snow White."

''Hey, are you japanese or something? Your eyes are pitch-black!"

Ryo blinked in surprise. ''No, not that I know of."

"How did you find your way to our house?" the Bikkys asked further.

So he told them that the prince wanted to ban him, that the huntsman had let him go, and that he had run the entire day through the forest, finally stumbling upon their house.

The Bikkys spoke with each other for awhile and then said, "If you will keep house for us, and cook, make beds, wash and keep everything clean and orderly, then you can stay with us, and you shall have everything that you want."

Ryo agreed, for he greatly enjoyed keeping a tidy home and the Bikkys' house really needed some tidying up and cleaning.

So Ryo lived happily with the Bikkys. Every morning they went into the mountains for dwarf school and hanging out with the seven Carols, and in the evening when they came back home Ryo had their meal ready and their house tidy. During the day he was alone, except for the small animals of the forest that kept him company, and sometimes the people of the nearest village when he went there to buy food and drink. He missed prince Dee and his aunt Elena, but he knew he could not go back.

Now prince JJ, believing that ''Snow White" was gone, could only think that prince Dee would forget him and finally fall in love with JJ. He stepped before his mirror and said:

''Mirror, mirror, on the wall,  
who will fair prince Dee fall for?"

It answered:

''Thou, o prince, art lovely; it is true.  
But Snow White, beyond the mountains  
With the seven Bikkys,  
Is the one he loves, not you."

This startled the prince, for he knew that the mirror did not lie, and he realized that prince Dee would not forget Ryo so easily. When the mirror's answer would not change over the course of the following weeks, prince JJ realized that prince Dee would never give up on Ryo and was probably searching for him everywhere. It dawned to JJ that the prince would never be his. Heartbroken as he was now, he needed some space and time alone to heal, for as long as he was depressed over Dee, his jealousy and sorrow would give him no rest. So he decided to undertake a voyage, just himself and his most faithful servant Drake.

He had a small carriage prepared and then prince JJ and his servant Drake traveled through the land for three days and three nights until they reached an old village. They sought out a little inn, for they were hungry and tired and their horses needed rest. The owner of the inn, Mister Henry, was honored to have the prince and his servant for guests, and he gave them the biggest room and the most delicious meal he was capable of.

''Allow me to ask, your Majesty, what brings you here?", Mister Henry asked the prince.

So JJ explained his tragedy and how a certain ''Snow White" had destroyed all his hopes and dreams of ever winning prince Dee's heart. ''Sometimes I ask myself, my friend, shall I just take a bite of this poisoned apple?", JJ said with great sadness in his voice, pulling out a blood red apple he had prepared at home, soaked in a deadly magic potion.

Thankfully, Drake could talk his prince out of it and threw the apple away and then the two of them retreated to their beds. Mister Henry however was gripped by a deep black hatred when he heard about prince JJ's heartbreak. His own daughter had died of a broken heart and since then, he had made it his duty to kill every heartbreaker he heard about. And he would not spare Snow White.

Snow White alias Ryo was no stranger to him since the young man often came into the village to buy food and drink. Mister Henry knew he lived with the seven Bikkys in a little hut in the forest. So the next day, when prince JJ and his servant had set off in their carriage once again, he retrieved the poisoned apple, coloured his face and disguised himself as an old peddler man, so that no one would recognize him. Then he traveled to the Bikkys' house and knocked on the door.

Ryo put his head out of the window, and said, "Hello, who is there?"

"Oh, I'm just an old peddler, trying to get rid of my apples," answered Mister Henry. "Here, I'll give you one of them. They are really good."

"I'm sorry," said Ryo, "But I cannot accept anything from strangers."

"It's alright" said Mister Henry. "Look, if you don't want it, I'll simply give it to someone else."

But Ryo longed for the beautiful apple, fresh fruit in general, for the seven Bikkys always insisted on eating nothing but junk food. He could no longer resist and called the peddler back, then stuck his hand out and took the poisoned apple. He barely had a bite in his mouth when he fell to the ground dead.

Mister Henry looked at him with an evil stare, laughed loudly, and said, "White as snow, red as blood, black as ebony wood! The Bikkys shall never awaken you."

His cruel heart was at rest, as well as a cruel heart can be at rest.

When the Bikkys came home that evening they found Ryo lying on the ground. He was not breathing at all. He was dead. They lifted him up, talked to him, shook him, cursed and wept over him. But nothing helped. The dear Snow White was dead, and he remained dead. They laid him on a bed of straw, and all seven sat next to him and mourned for him and cried and cursed for three days. They were going to bury him, but he still looked as fresh as a living person.

They said, "We cannot bury him in the black earth," and they had a transparent glass coffin made, so he could be seen from all sides. They laid him inside, and with scrawly handwriting wrote on it his name and nickname in golden letters. Then they put the coffin outside on a mountain, and one of them always stayed with it and watched over him. The animals too came and mourned for Ryo, first an owl, then a raven, and finally a dove. The big carnals of the wood however, the bears and wolves, didn't come around – for they were busy eating Mister Henry as punishment for killing their dear friend.

Now it came to pass that prince Dee entered these woods on his never ending search for Snow White. He happened onto the Bikkys' house, where he sought shelter for the night. He saw the coffin on the mountain with his beloved Ryo in it, and he read what was written on it with golden letters.

His heart filled with the deepest of grief and he said to the Bikkys, "Let me have the coffin. I will give you anything you want for it."

But the Bikkys answered, enraged, "Are you frigging serious? We will not sell it for all the gold in the world!"

Then he said, "Then just give it to me, for I cannot live without being able to see Ryo. I will honor him and respect him as my most cherished one."

As he thus spoke, the good Bikkys felt a little pity for him but still didn't think about giving Ryo away. The prince begged, cursed and threatened them, but to no avail. At last he thought of something. He propositioned they could all live in his castle if he was just allowed to take Ryo with him.

„Would the seven Carols live in the castle as well?", the Bikkys asked. The prince had no idea who the seven Carols might be, but he quickly agreed, promising to give them all the most beautiful rooms in his home that he could think of. Therefore, the seven Bikkys finally agreed and gave him the coffin.

The prince had his servants carry it away on their shoulders. But then it happened that one of them stumbled on some brush, and this dislodged from Ryo's throat the piece of poisoned apple that he had bitten off. Not long afterward he opened his eyes, lifted the lid from his coffin, sat up, and was alive again.

"What happened? Where am I?", he asked in confusion.

The prince said joyfully, "You are with me." He pounced Ryo and kissed him breathless, making the seven Bikkys cry out in horror. Then prince Dee told Ryo what had happened, and at last said, "I love you more than anything else in the world. Come with me to my castle. You shall become my husband." Ryo loved him, and so he went with him. Their wedding was planned with great splendor and majesty.

Even prince JJ, who had returned home again, was invited to the feast, and when he had arrayed himself in his most fabulous garments, he stood before his mirror, and asked out of habit and curiosity:

„Mirror, mirror, on the wall,  
Who has prince Dee fallen for?"

The mirror answered:

„Thou, o prince, art lovely; it is true.  
But the new prince is his love, not you."

Not knowing that this new prince was indeed his rival Ryo, prince JJ arrived at the wedding, and he felt a little pang at his heart when he realized the truth, for he had not fully gotten over prince Dee yet. But then he tried to smile and waved at the couple, and with his other hand he grabbed the hand of his most faithful servant who he had come to love during their voyage.

And prince Dee and Ryo, prince JJ and Drake, the seven Bikkys and the seven Carols lived happily ever after.

The End.

_(Author's Notes: So there you have it, a fairytale in FAKE-style! JJ was still heartbroken over Dee, Mister Henry still tried to kill Ryo, and Bikky was still the little brat we all know and love – only with six additional clones! I wonder how Dee will ever get Ryo to himself when there are not one, but seven Bikkys – and seven Carols – to interrupt them, lol! Anyways, I had so much fun writing this silly little fanfiction, and I hope you had a little fun reading it too. Let me know what you think about it, I'd really like to know. After all, comments are the fuel of creativity and motivation! ;) And then maybe, just maybe, I will write more FAKE-fairytales one day! :D )_


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